Coomey.net - Funny

Boombox

nospam@example.com (Shawn Coomey) — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 16:03:03 -0500

Hah! Saw this on Digg today. Apparently the company Lasonic is bringing to market a totally retro boombox. I gotta get me one of these to go with my parachute pants, THINK LIFE t-shirt and Japanese flag headband. Awesome.

http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/portable-media/lasonic-ghetto-blaster-228143.php

Wikipedia and a 7 year old

nospam@example.com (Shawn Coomey) — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 23:07:28 -0400

Well, looks like Zoe and Liam have discovered the treasure trove of information that is Wikipedia. It all started a couple of days ago when Zoe wanted to see a picture of a Velociraptor. Naturally, daddy went to Wikiland. She was really curious that you could find almost anything in the Wiki, and I wanted to foster that. Tonight, I let them have at it on my computer. I was playing my guitar at the time so I wasn't sure what she was looking up. Just now I noticed my browser history and found (apparently) what interests a seven year old girl. Here's a list of the things she put into the search field and looked up, in order:

Rat
Queens
Owen M. Fiss (wtf?)
Monkey
Kitten
Kids
Joaquin Phoenix (wtf?)
Island
Leatherback Turtle
Ice
Ghost
Fossil
Forest
Fish
Extraterrestrial life in popular culture
Doll
Dirt
Chicago Bears (:D)
Bat
Apple
Alien

Take from that list what you will.

"Mike Patton is not God.".... "You've been reading my blog."

nospam@example.com (Shawn Coomey) — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 22:24:33 -0400

For the love of all things holy. We Patton fanbois are having a collective howl at this clip. And yes, it's real. And yes, it's from "All My Children". All it needs is the chick to say the line "...but Cuckoo for Caca is really the pinnacle of his creative talent."

"What the hell is an aluminum falcon?!?"

nospam@example.com (Shawn Coomey) — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 17:03:26 -0400

Still My favorite video ever.

nospam@example.com (Shawn Coomey) — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 12:31:53 -0400

A boy and his dog

nospam@example.com (Shawn Coomey) — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 12:40:17 -0400

Those of you who have heard me talk about my co-worker Dave Kimball know that I speak wih absolute reverence about the man. He is easily one of the funniest human beings I've ever had the pleasure to cross paths with. He's a real salt of the earth type of guy. Hell, he spent 24 years in the Marine Corps, part of that as a drill instructor at Parris Island.

One of the best things about Dave is his story telling ability. He's always got an outrageous tale about what he did to recruits at basic training, or what it was like to fight in a war with a gun that had no bullets, or having to support a girl's entire family in the Phillipines. The stories never end. And when they are told with Dave's unique and endearing speaking cadence, it's all the better.

So today, Dave was telling us a story about a day in the life of the relationship between his crazy cat and crazy dog. I had my PDA on hand and surreptitiously recorded it for posteriy... and the results, while short, are a hoot.

Warning, Dave drops a few F-bombs, so be aware.

Steee-rike!

nospam@example.com (Shawn Coomey) — Mon, 07 Aug 2006 18:03:00 -0400

I love the Japanese. I love baseball. Putting the two together always results in hilarity.

The future of feminism.

nospam@example.com (Shawn Coomey) — Wed, 02 Aug 2006 14:25:57 -0400

Ran into this newspaper scan posted by Andrew Teman on a message board. Oh. My. God.

A call from George Foreman

nospam@example.com (Shawn Coomey) — Sun, 18 Jun 2006 15:28:18 -0400

The funniest episode happened at home last night. After pretty much an all day Call of Duty 2 session on the old XBOX 360, I fired up the George Foreman grill to make the kids some burgers. Zoe and Liam loved them, but Phoenix refused to eat a bite; claiming that it was "gross because it isn't greasy enough." Sorry for not being Ray Kroc here, kid. So when she wouldn't eat any of the burger I told her the repercussions of said lack of eating would be a visit from the king of the fat-drips-away grill himself, George Foreman. George would then promptly kick her ass.

The little ones thought that this was the funniest thing they ever heard, until Liam leaned into me and asked (and I quote): "Is George Foreman going to come and punch me and Zoe in the face?"

Well, after I explained that Mr. Foreman would NOT be coming to assault small children, I was sparked with an idea: how about we actually call George himself? Acting quickly, I called Chris who does a damn good Mr. T impression which I was convinced would be close enough to G.F. to be convincing. Well, my bro put on a show. I was confused there for a second thinking I was talking to the heavyweight champ himself.

Needless to say, the kids fell for it, hook-line-and sinker. As soon as Phoe wasn't paying attention. He quickly told George: "My sister's name is Phoenix, come quick to my house and punch her in the face!". HAHA.

Kids can't keep secrets

nospam@example.com (Shawn Coomey) — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 13:24:30 -0400

Happy birthday/father's day to me. I was presented last night with a fantastic gift: an XBOX 360! Go Scoomey, it's your birthday...

Anyhow, there's a funny story behind how I ended up having it given to me last night. I picked up Tina and the kids from the mall on my way home from work. Tina puts a bunch of stuff in the back to the Durango. The kids pile in. Liam immediately informs me that "there's no XBOX 360's in here."

Apparently Tina tried to coach Liam on not telling me and ruining the surprise. A lesson most definitely not learned by the little guy because he was more excited than anyone. So as we're driving Phoenix and Zoe are doing their best to keep him from telling me outright and did a good job at it. Until we got home that is.

The second he got me alone in my office, he looked around the room to make sure nobody was around, leaned in really close and said "We got you an XBOX 360". I was like "Oh no, you shouldn't have told me, it ruined the surprise!"

Liam's quick witted response was to throw his hands up and say "Surprise! We got you an XBOX 360!"

Angry faces

nospam@example.com (Shawn Coomey) — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 15:43:23 -0500

Camera phones rule.

...and beatings as well.

nospam@example.com (Shawn Coomey) — Wed, 26 Oct 2005 14:09:41 -0400

These just get funnier and funnier all the time. Note the inconsistent name.

Hello

my name is Fred Tony Williams and I am a 16years old boy from Dominican Republic but in Ghana My Parents died in a car crash and ever since then I have been living with my Step Mum and her family in Ghana .

I am the only child of Mr. &Mrs. Willams who are my parents. They died last two years Jan 12th 2003.They were both going to a for diner party with our driver when they came to Ghana for Holidays then they had the car accident on there way coming home.

When I was told of this accidnt the next day I cried and cried until my Step Mum said that she promised to talk care of me as her own child. She was treating me nice for a while but sooner She became very cruel to me and I am been partreated .She stopped me from going to school and she doesnt allow me receive phone calls again at home.

The last time I went out to visit my late fathers lawyer with out her permission , she beat me up and she told me never to go out with out her permission again

The last time I went to see my late fathers friend who is our family lawyer, he asked his elder son to beat me up and he told me never to go out with out his permission again.

But on that day when I went to see my fathers Lawyer he told me that he had been searching for me and wanted to discuss with me over some important matters.

He told me that after the death of my parents, he had to go through some files which my father left in his care but his death .My late Father is from a wealthy Dominican Republic family and he owns lots of investments but his biggest investment is his wine farm and estate in Ghana . He inherited it from his late father due to the fact that he was the only child to his Parents .

His lawyer later told me that my father left the sum of a very large deposite in a Financial Institution here in Ghana which he told me the name but I cant remember, on my behalf that the money will only be issued to whoever that will take me as his or child the lawyer told me.He also said that the entire estate and wine farm land will also be inherited by you that takes me as your child.

He asked me if he should tell my Step Mum about this because now the Financial Institution has demanded that he brings forward the Beneficiary of the funds before a specific time but I told him the problem I am having with my Step Mum , how She stave and make me do all the home work and beatings as well.

Then asked me what and who do I have in mind that I think can take me as his or her child and claim my inheritance and that he will give to you the necessary documents to help claim the money and estate as well .

Please I am begging you in the name of the Almighty that help me be my parents as I am going through hell everyday that I wake in my Step Mums home and I cry every morinig pray that a helper will come some day to rescues me .I will give to you every information you need to help you take me from my Step Mum and with the help of my fathers lawyer all will be well .I don�t have a phone number of my own since my Step Mum stopped me from receiving calls at home but I will try and get a number which you can call me on but for now you can write me on my email address (tywillf@k.ro).

Goodbye

Tony Fred Williams

WTF?

nospam@example.com (Shawn Coomey) — Sat, 17 Sep 2005 01:12:55 -0400

What in the living hell is this?

Process of Elimination

nospam@example.com (Shawn Coomey) — Thu, 15 Sep 2005 10:45:39 -0400

As manner other residents of this quaint town will know, Worcester has its share of... oddities. One of my personal favorites is the American Sanitary Plumbing Museum. That's right... a museum dedicated to the many wonderful contraptions used in... evacuation. It's even located on Piedmont Street. An avenue made infamous back in the late 80's when the city put up a giant billboard that read "AIDS and Hepatitis B have not yet been contained int the Piedmont Area"

I pay homange to thee, ASPM. Only in Wormtown, baby.

Argh! Avast Ye Hearties!

nospam@example.com (Shawn Coomey) — Tue, 13 Sep 2005 17:46:41 -0400

My pirate name is:

Iron Sam Flint

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.